When Love Hurts: PTSD and Intimate Partner Betrayal Trauma – What the Numbers Say
Discovering betrayal by your intimate partner can feel like the ground has disappeared beneath you. For many, it's more than just emotional pain—it’s diagnosable trauma. When it comes to Intimate Partner Betrayal Trauma, the prevalence of PTSD is high. If you’ve been hurt by betrayal and have been wondering if your reactions are “too much,” or you’re feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of the hurt, know that you’re not alone.
What is PTSD?
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a mental health condition triggered by exposure to a traumatic event involving intense fear, helplessness, or horror. Symptoms include intrusive memories, avoidance of reminders of the event, mood changes, and hyperarousal (heightened sensitivity or awareness of threats or perceived threats).
What is Intimate Partner Betrayal Trauma?
Intimate Partner Betrayal is a type of trauma—or series of traumas—that occurs when a romantic partner violates a deep sense of trust in a committed relationship. This typically happens through infidelity, deception, or abuse. Oftentimes, these traumas are woven together, creating more confusion and overwhelm for the betrayed partner. Some examples include sexual infidelity, compulsive pornography use, financial deception, gaslighting, emotional abuse, sexual coercion or manipulation, or blaming the partner for these behaviors.
The Numbers
According to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, around 6% of adults in the U.S. will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with women being twice as likely to develop the disorder (10% of women vs. 4% of men). For those suffering from Intimate Partner Betrayal Trauma, that number rises dramatically. A 2020 study by Dr. Kevin Skinner found that upwards of 60% experience PTSD symptoms. Dr. Skinner’s research also found that approximately 43% of spouses were still reporting symptoms of PTSD two years after discovering the betrayal.
While not yet officially recognized as a clinical diagnosis, some find the term Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD) helpful in describing their inner turmoil. This unofficial descriptor mirrors PTSD in many ways: hypervigilance, rumination, avoidance, flashbacks, and more.
Hope for Relief
Therapists trained in trauma recovery are equipped to support clients experiencing PTSD symptoms by using clinically validated treatment approaches such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Mindfulness, IFS (Internal Family Systems), and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). In addition to trauma treatment, therapists help clients build practical coping strategies throughout the recovery process. These may include boundary-setting techniques, self-care planning, conflict management skills, and guidance on creating relational agreements.
There is hope for healing from PTSD. If you’re experiencing the painful effects of Betrayal Trauma and have questioned whether you’re “normal,” the answer is a resounding yes. With the right support and tools, healing is possible.
If you’d like to screen yourself for PTSD, you can use this resource. To book a session with me to see how I can help, check my availability here. If you're unsure and would prefer a free 15-minute consultation to see if I can help, feel free to email me at kaylamontgomery205@icloud.com.